The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice.

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

I found this preview this past week and it looks awesome! It touches on some very present and historical topics/issues in regards to intra-racial discrimination and societal perceptions. Being a 'Dark Girl' myself, I look forward to seeing this documentary and hope that others learn from it as well.

Personally, my own story is not as intense as some of the ladies featured in the preview. However, if it is felt by one, often times the experiences are synonymous with another. Growing up, my parents always made sure to reinforce my beauty regardless of external influences and supported their own beliefs with images and literature featuring dark skinned beauties. It was not until I grew up and left home that I truly began to experience what could be perceived as the burden of having dark skin in a particularly light world (on this side of the ocean at least).

One poem that I specifically remember growing up is "Sweet Blackberry”  from the book, Meet Danitra Brown by Nikki Grimes.

Danitra says my skin’s like double
Chocolate fudge ‘cause I’m so dark.
The kids at school say it another way.
“You so black, girl,” they say
“at night, people might think
you ain’t nothin’ but a piece o’ sky.

I never cry, but inside there’s a hurting place.
I make sure no one sees it on my face.
Then mama tells me, “Next time, honey, you just say
The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.”
Now, that’s what I do.
I sure wish I had told them that before.
Those kids don’t bother teasin’ me no more. 

I think that this poem sums up the pressures of the world along with parental support very well and should be used as a tool to inspire young girls all over the world.


Now, on another note... I don't want to get too into this here, but the issue of intra-racial discrimination always perplexes me. As mentioned in the preview, it's origins can be traced back to slavery with the concept of the field slave (the dark skinned) and the house slave (the light/er skinned). This concept always cracks me up because at the end of the day, whether field or house, a slave was a slave. I find it hard to conceptualize a 'better slave.' From that point, Blacks with fair skin have been considered 'more acceptable' in society because they are closer in appearance to our White counterparts, leaving dark/er skinned individuals with the perception of being 'less than'. I personally feel like that mentality puts Blacks, light and dark, at a mental disadvantage...if they accept it, that is. Especially because it is effecting our children immensely!! (also previewed in this documentary) Hopefully we can get past this as a community (some day) and stop breaking each other down; as a complete unit we would be so much stronger in the world and for each other.

Ok. I'm getting off of my soapbox for the moment.

Enjoy the preview, stay Black, be easy, keep it classy, stay beautiful, keep it real and all that jazz.

...but what do I know?

Express Yourself

For this generation "expressing oneself" seems to be easier said than done. In a world filled with commitments, expectations, social networks, texting, technology, and confusion, life tends to be overwhelming. Think about it, we spend our days attached to our cell phones and emails, most people are connected to two or more social networks. We have jobs, classes, additional activities, not to mention our relationships that require time. On top of all that, we have the nerve to want to express ourselves.

How do you have an opinion in a world that is constantly shooting its views at us and disregarding our individual feelings? How do you follow your values when the top concern is following the right person on Twitter? How do you truly know who your friends are when you have 1000+ "friends" on Facebook? In a world where corruption is expected, how do you even claim religion or spirituality? How do you show that you are an individual regardless of the various sectors that you associate with? It is no longer necessary to interact with others on a personal level, so how do we release our feelings, thoughts, desires?

A common answer to all of these questions is one that is more recently being accepted; One that I have begun to recognize within my generation more and more. The answer is tattoos. Everywhere that I turn another one of my friends, associates, or peers has another tattoo donning a scripture, song lyric, character, family name/initial, or symbol that serves as a reflection of who they are on the inside. Because we are expending our outlets for creativity and expression, our bodies have become our art pallets.

Don't get me wrong...there are still stupid. I mean, really ridiculous tattoos. Expressions of random animals and symbols that only stand as reminders of the crazy times had. Some tattoos that have absolutely no meaning and that's fine. That in itself is still a manner of self expression.

I don't know.
Maybe some people want a permanent reminder of their passions; or maybe their pain. Maybe people just want everyone to know who they think they are; what they think of themselves. Maybe people want to mark a significant milestone; something they've overcome. Maybe some people want to fit in. Maybe that tattoo is the only think that keeps someone going. (A little too much? ok...)

This is not an anti-tattoo message by any means. I often contemplate inking my body as well... (but my control issues and the permanent nature of tattoos won't allow me to.) Please, continue to get your stars, song lyrics, and Chinese characters. But keep in mind that eventually you will run out of body space (or get old) and will be forced to abstractly display the values that you have chosen to brand yourself with.

...but what do I know?

(Now, typically I would insert the video for "Express Yourself" by NWA...but that's a whole different form of expression. I think you get the point.)

What I Learned in Kindergarten!

The following is a poem that I wrote for my final presentation about my semester teaching a Kindergarten class. I learn a lot from this class of little people and wanted to share a piece of my experience. Enjoy! (It looks longer than it is!)

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was a student

who wanted to know

what it was like to be a teacher.

She worked very hard

To learn what it takes,

This student was very eager.

This student had worked

With children before

But nothing quite this official.

Time cards and lesson plans,

Read alouds, and crafts,

This experience would be beneficial.

Before she was able

to step into class

a few things had to be planned.

How would she make an impact

at Washington school,

when respect she had to command.

The first three goals

That she set for herself

Were stay educated, be flexible, and reflect.

This meant being in tune

With the needs of the class

And be sure everything would connect.

Connect to the students

Connect to their lives

Connect reading, writing, and math

Reflect on the lessons,

Reflect on the feelings,

Even in stress, stay on the right path.

Whenever there’s something

That doesn’t work out

Don’t fret, just research and learn

About other ways

The students can grasp

The concepts you want them to earn.

Now on to the students,

The wonderful beings

Full of such personalities

At all different levels

Of reading, of learning,

Their success is our responsibility.

The students were open

And willing to join

Me on this adventure of learning to teach

Throughout my time shared

Assignments and projects

Each student I hope that I reached.

This journey was not quite

As smooth as planned,

It definitely could have been better.

Ambitious in some

of the tasks that I asked

I was forced to get it together

Though some of the assignments

Were asking a lot

Much to my intention

The students will deliver

To your expectations

As long as they pay attention.

By the end of my

Ten weeks in Kindergarten

The amount that I learned was priceless.

Repeat everything,

Don’t speak too fast,

Make sure the lessons have a purpose.

Ask clear questions,

Read fun books,

They love to color with markers,

At the end of the day

They want you to listen

They’ll tell you their stories regardless.

Those students in room

121,

taught me more than I can share

But overall

The students just want

To know that you care and you’ll be there.

On my journey to being

A teacher of K…

Maybe even 1^st grade

It is not about the impact

That I had

But the difference in my life they made.

The class door that I decorated

Most of my class

Me reading to the class

2010-2011 School Year in perspective

As this school year comes to an end and graduation draws near (not for me, but for many of my friends), I have been reflective and have realized that this has been quite the year. Reflection has become an important part of my life again, and so I share my top thoughts/lessons from my Junior year in college:

1) Everything can't be finished in an hour.

I procrastinated a lot this year; I mean A LOT! Not always because I didn't want to do the work, but because there was always something something else that needed to get done (I know, spoken like a true procrastinator). I was living with the mentality that I can complete any assignment in about an hour... 4 pages, 10 problems, 6 books...all it would take is 60-90 mins. Yeah, that was a fail. I must say that I completed most of everything...but that is not the way to live life.

2) Friends will stab you in the back.

The best part about this one, is that I didn't have to experience it personally. I played the observer role for this lesson and that made me happy. It didn't make me happy that someone was being stabbed in the back... it made me happy that I was successful in selecting the company that I keep and that I can trust them enough not to hurt me.

3) Friends who are worth having, are worth the work.

I fell out with a friend at the end of last year, we rekindled this year, had 2 more brief falling outs and have been on a smooth streak for a few months now. This may sound like a lot of work or a lot of back and forth, and it is, but it has been so worth it. We have learned so much about each other during this experience together and I wouldn't trade her or our relationship for the world.

4) It's okay to cry.

I am a super emotional person, but no one would ever know it...and that's the way that I liked it. The only emotion that I have previously been okay with sharing is happiness, and a little bit of excitement mixed with sass. But since the beginning of this year, I have cried less in general, but more in front of others...whether one person or a room full. And you know what, I am still standing strong. That was a big deal for me... I'm not going to start crying all over campus, but I am more comfortable with being the emotions that I feel at any given moment.

5) Loving myself is the best gift that I can give to the world.

This one is pretty self explanatory. I'm not saying loving myself as in 'I am the only person who exists' or in a way that makes me disregard the people around me. I am talking about truly loving, appreciating, understanding, and being honest with myself. If I didn't love myself so much, I definitely wouldn't be able to love and care for others the way that I do. I also no longer look to serve others as a means to ignore myself...I come first. Many things are important in life, but not before my health and my happiness.

6) Know your role.

As a leader and social butterfly, I tend to play different roles for different people...and sometimes different roles for the same person. Most often, I am used to being the problem solver...the helper... the one with the answers. But I have learned that sometimes it's good to just listen. I don't have to react to everything, I don't have to fix every problem. Just being there, a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, is enough for people most of the time. I just have to make sure that I remain aware of the situation at hand and what role I need to play.

7) Time and place.

I am often notoriously known for my 'sassy attitude,' opinionated demeanor, questions and comments, to say the least. Oh, and my facial expressions, can't forget those. While those are all outlets that I choose to use to share my feelings, thoughts, and opinions, they have not always been brilliantly timed. I found out this year that I've been pissing some people off. And, although sometimes I feel that if you're pissed off, it's a personal problem, from a professional point of view, I have learned to be more aware of my presence. I want to be myself, and that is not always going to be someone who brings joy to others, but there is a time and place for everything and I haven't been acknowledging that to the fullest... we'll try this again next year.

8) I LOVE MY FRIENDS

Loving people takes a lot of energy, so when I take the time to love and care for someone, I know that it is a relationship worth cherishing. I would do anything for the friends that I have. I don't care what anybody would have to say about any of them...they are my friends; they are my sisters (some brothers too). I have shared so many laughs and late nights with these people; some moments when others may think I'm crazy. But you know that someone is there for the long haul when they love you when you are unlovable. For that, I am thankful.

9) Always forgive, because you never know when you'll need forgiveness.

This one is self explanatory. We all make mistakes and we all have weaknesses, but we move on and we grow. Plus, forgiveness does so much more for the forgiver than it does for the forgiven.

10) Without God, nothing makes sense.

This semester, I have worked on reconnecting with God. I wasn't completely disconnected, but lately I have begun to question more things regarding religion and spirituality. This is why I have been working on putting more emphasis on my relationship with God rather than my relationship with religion or the church. While I understand the value and purpose of the church as an institution, I had to backtrack and get back to the end all be all; God Himself. With that spiritual development, I have been so much more content. Things don't stress me out as much because I don't allow them to. I put it all in God's hands and trust that he has it under control.

11) Good acts will be rewarded.

When things are done because it is in your character and just because it is the right thing to do, they will be rewarded. This is a lesson I learned recently after being named the Community Builder of the Year. I was so shocked that I was the recipient of this award and many people were surprised that I didn't expect to receive the title. I don't do the things that I do because I want to be recognized. I don't do the things that I do because someone is always watching. I do the things that I do and have the impact that I have because that is how I believe I am supposed to live. If there is a need, I try to fill it. Not to be recognized, but because I am able. Not everyone can say that they are able so who am I to keep my skills and abilities to myself? The world is cold enough without me trying to be selfish...

12) The car is my new favorite place.

Although I don't have my license (yeah...don't ask...hopefully we're fixing that soon) this year I have discovered a new found love for cars. No make or model in particular, but just being in a car. Many of my most vulnerable moments have taken place inside of a parked car, on south campus. Living in a building with paper thin walls, being able to talk, share feelings and secrets inside of a car relieved any possible anxiety that sometimes accompanies being yourself. I learned about the wonders of the car in a class before as it was described as the place where parents choose to talk to their adolescents because there is no way to escape. For that, I appreciate it and the friends who have created the environment for me to appreciate myself and my story, inside of their car.

13) I am human.

That is all that I can expect from myself and that is all that I can expect from anyone else.

14) It is what it is. (I'm not superstitious, but something didn't feel right about only have 13...)

I am excited to see what next year brings me. I am honored and blessed to have met the people who I have met and fostered the relationships that I have. To those who didn't make it, things were good while they lasted and I will never forget the great times shared. To those who are still around for the adventure of life, we've still got a journey ahead of us; thank you for accepting me as me and for working with my craziness!

There may be more lessons that I've learned or realizations that I've had, but that is the great thing about life.... growth is continuous.

One more year of college and a lifetime ahead!

...but what do I know?

Who Says?

I know she's a Disney star, but listen to the words.

This is for all of the Beautiful Girls....




...but what do I know?

Laughable

One of my friends shared this joke with me at dinner today, so I thought I'd share it here...

Enjoy!
_______________________________________________

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh**."

http://www.lotsofjokes.com/political_jokes_1.asp

It's so not a phase...

Recently, in conversation someone asked me "what's up with this whole liberation phase on campus?" I chuckled and she proceeded to say, "you started it!"

There will be more on the above statement later, but for now, if you are uncertain what is being discussed, it is that of going natural. If you are still uncertain, this is when a woman (naturally curly, usually black, hispanic, or biracial) makes the decision to stop putting chemicals (also known as relaxers or perms) into her hair and starts to wear her hair in its natural state; hence the term, going natural.

I made the decision to go natural during the spring of my freshman year in college. My hair was continuously breaking off whenever I got a relaxer, it was short and damaged and I just felt like I had nothing to lose. I shared previous thoughts of taking this hair journey with a few friends, but I knew that this was the right time. So, I had my last relaxer in February 2009 and in July 2009 I cut off all of my damaged, straight ends. Initially, I was nervous about the whole thing, but knew that it was for the best. This was a liberating process and I was excited to do something for myself. I was also excited to try different styles because contrary to belief, natural hair is just as versatile, if not more versatile than chemically processed hair.

Since I have cut my hair and rocked my natural roots, I have entertained questions from many people; "why did you cut it," "what products do you use," "can you cut my hair," "is it hard to maintain," "can I touch it?" (the latter is whole 'nother issue in itself-see previous post "Dear Curious Hair Gazer"). Many have also shared that they are considering going natural as well. In all interactions, I provide the same advice; do not cut your hair until you have a plan- know the products you want to use or try and the styles that you will be able to do at different stages of growth, and when all else fails, put in braids to allow your hair to grow out until you are ready to manage it yourself. This is exactly what my mom told me before I cut my own hair. It is not very smart to make such a big change without really planning for it. Going natural is also something that you need to be introspective about. For many women their hair is their crowning glory, so cutting it all off is definitely something that takes getting used to- not for the weak at heart by any means. This is a time when you have to be honest with yourself about your ability to make this significant change and be different.

It is true that within the last 2 years at Lake Forest College, many women have made the decision to rid their hair of chemicals and join the natural community. It is very encouraging to me to see so many women not only making a statement with their hair, but understanding that it is ok to accept what is naturally yours. One day, one of my peers told me that the natural look works for me, but that she doesn't think that she could pull it off. I quickly responded that she could definitely pull it off because it is her hair as it grows from her roots. Many are still under the impression that natural is not acceptable or attractive, but in my opinion, that is when your diva-tude comes in. If you rock your natural hair with confidence, no one else's opinion even matters.

Now, to address the statement that encouraged this post. I do not believe that I started this so called "liberation phase." I did not persuade, force, or encourage different people to cut their hair and go natural. I did not act as if going natural is the only way to be. I do not shun those who continue to relax their hair. What I will take credit for is educating those who shared their interest in going natural with me through tips and resources. I will also take the blame for being a testament to the versatility of natural hair and ways to get creative and use your kinky curls as more than just something growing from your scalp. I will even take the blame for cutting a few people's damaged ends. I find no shame in my contributions to the advancement of the natural world, but I still cannot take full credit for the decisions of others.

When we actually stop and think about it, the chemicals that are found in relaxers (and some hair dyes) are really bad for our hair and sometimes our health. What I believe is happening is that more women are becoming educated about what they are putting into their hair. And rather than just following societal trends, they are doing what works best for them. This is evident not only in the number of people who have gone natural on campus, but in the increased number of celebrities who have done the same (Chrisette Michele, Solange, etc).

When we call going natural a "phase" we are discrediting all of the personal work that goes into being natural. We are also supporting the people and corporations who say that being a naturally curly chick is not acceptable. Rather than calling it a phase, I prefer the term journey. While it can be as simple and you want it to be, it is a very involved process that continues as long as the wearer decides. The best thing about it is, no one has to travel the natural hair journey alone. As usual, I am always open to sharing my experience and offering advice to anyone who is interested.

For any natural inquirers, here are a few of my frequently visited hair resources. Enjoy!
http://nappturality.com/
http://bglhonline.com/
http://www.naturallycurly.com/
http://www.curlynikki.com/
http://thirstyroots.com/
http://www.blackwomennaturalhairstyles.com/