2010-2011 School Year in perspective

As this school year comes to an end and graduation draws near (not for me, but for many of my friends), I have been reflective and have realized that this has been quite the year. Reflection has become an important part of my life again, and so I share my top thoughts/lessons from my Junior year in college:

1) Everything can't be finished in an hour.

I procrastinated a lot this year; I mean A LOT! Not always because I didn't want to do the work, but because there was always something something else that needed to get done (I know, spoken like a true procrastinator). I was living with the mentality that I can complete any assignment in about an hour... 4 pages, 10 problems, 6 books...all it would take is 60-90 mins. Yeah, that was a fail. I must say that I completed most of everything...but that is not the way to live life.

2) Friends will stab you in the back.

The best part about this one, is that I didn't have to experience it personally. I played the observer role for this lesson and that made me happy. It didn't make me happy that someone was being stabbed in the back... it made me happy that I was successful in selecting the company that I keep and that I can trust them enough not to hurt me.

3) Friends who are worth having, are worth the work.

I fell out with a friend at the end of last year, we rekindled this year, had 2 more brief falling outs and have been on a smooth streak for a few months now. This may sound like a lot of work or a lot of back and forth, and it is, but it has been so worth it. We have learned so much about each other during this experience together and I wouldn't trade her or our relationship for the world.

4) It's okay to cry.

I am a super emotional person, but no one would ever know it...and that's the way that I liked it. The only emotion that I have previously been okay with sharing is happiness, and a little bit of excitement mixed with sass. But since the beginning of this year, I have cried less in general, but more in front of others...whether one person or a room full. And you know what, I am still standing strong. That was a big deal for me... I'm not going to start crying all over campus, but I am more comfortable with being the emotions that I feel at any given moment.

5) Loving myself is the best gift that I can give to the world.

This one is pretty self explanatory. I'm not saying loving myself as in 'I am the only person who exists' or in a way that makes me disregard the people around me. I am talking about truly loving, appreciating, understanding, and being honest with myself. If I didn't love myself so much, I definitely wouldn't be able to love and care for others the way that I do. I also no longer look to serve others as a means to ignore myself...I come first. Many things are important in life, but not before my health and my happiness.

6) Know your role.

As a leader and social butterfly, I tend to play different roles for different people...and sometimes different roles for the same person. Most often, I am used to being the problem solver...the helper... the one with the answers. But I have learned that sometimes it's good to just listen. I don't have to react to everything, I don't have to fix every problem. Just being there, a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, is enough for people most of the time. I just have to make sure that I remain aware of the situation at hand and what role I need to play.

7) Time and place.

I am often notoriously known for my 'sassy attitude,' opinionated demeanor, questions and comments, to say the least. Oh, and my facial expressions, can't forget those. While those are all outlets that I choose to use to share my feelings, thoughts, and opinions, they have not always been brilliantly timed. I found out this year that I've been pissing some people off. And, although sometimes I feel that if you're pissed off, it's a personal problem, from a professional point of view, I have learned to be more aware of my presence. I want to be myself, and that is not always going to be someone who brings joy to others, but there is a time and place for everything and I haven't been acknowledging that to the fullest... we'll try this again next year.

8) I LOVE MY FRIENDS

Loving people takes a lot of energy, so when I take the time to love and care for someone, I know that it is a relationship worth cherishing. I would do anything for the friends that I have. I don't care what anybody would have to say about any of them...they are my friends; they are my sisters (some brothers too). I have shared so many laughs and late nights with these people; some moments when others may think I'm crazy. But you know that someone is there for the long haul when they love you when you are unlovable. For that, I am thankful.

9) Always forgive, because you never know when you'll need forgiveness.

This one is self explanatory. We all make mistakes and we all have weaknesses, but we move on and we grow. Plus, forgiveness does so much more for the forgiver than it does for the forgiven.

10) Without God, nothing makes sense.

This semester, I have worked on reconnecting with God. I wasn't completely disconnected, but lately I have begun to question more things regarding religion and spirituality. This is why I have been working on putting more emphasis on my relationship with God rather than my relationship with religion or the church. While I understand the value and purpose of the church as an institution, I had to backtrack and get back to the end all be all; God Himself. With that spiritual development, I have been so much more content. Things don't stress me out as much because I don't allow them to. I put it all in God's hands and trust that he has it under control.

11) Good acts will be rewarded.

When things are done because it is in your character and just because it is the right thing to do, they will be rewarded. This is a lesson I learned recently after being named the Community Builder of the Year. I was so shocked that I was the recipient of this award and many people were surprised that I didn't expect to receive the title. I don't do the things that I do because I want to be recognized. I don't do the things that I do because someone is always watching. I do the things that I do and have the impact that I have because that is how I believe I am supposed to live. If there is a need, I try to fill it. Not to be recognized, but because I am able. Not everyone can say that they are able so who am I to keep my skills and abilities to myself? The world is cold enough without me trying to be selfish...

12) The car is my new favorite place.

Although I don't have my license (yeah...don't ask...hopefully we're fixing that soon) this year I have discovered a new found love for cars. No make or model in particular, but just being in a car. Many of my most vulnerable moments have taken place inside of a parked car, on south campus. Living in a building with paper thin walls, being able to talk, share feelings and secrets inside of a car relieved any possible anxiety that sometimes accompanies being yourself. I learned about the wonders of the car in a class before as it was described as the place where parents choose to talk to their adolescents because there is no way to escape. For that, I appreciate it and the friends who have created the environment for me to appreciate myself and my story, inside of their car.

13) I am human.

That is all that I can expect from myself and that is all that I can expect from anyone else.

14) It is what it is. (I'm not superstitious, but something didn't feel right about only have 13...)

I am excited to see what next year brings me. I am honored and blessed to have met the people who I have met and fostered the relationships that I have. To those who didn't make it, things were good while they lasted and I will never forget the great times shared. To those who are still around for the adventure of life, we've still got a journey ahead of us; thank you for accepting me as me and for working with my craziness!

There may be more lessons that I've learned or realizations that I've had, but that is the great thing about life.... growth is continuous.

One more year of college and a lifetime ahead!

...but what do I know?