Would I Rather Be Sassy or Angry?

sas·sy adj. sas·si·er , sas·si·est
1. Rude and disrespectful; impudent.
2. Lively and spirited; jaunty.
3. Stylish; chic: a sassy little hat.
[Alteration of saucy .]
sas'si·ly adv. , sas'si·ness n.

My senior year of high school, in a highly ranked boarding school in The Middle of Nowhere, CT, I acquired the nickname, Sassy. I seemed to always have something to say, some slick comment or facial expression showing my true emotions about a statement, action, or just someone's existence. (I can't say too much has changed, but that's a topic for another blog post.) Now, in my opinion, I was just being an opinionated individual exhibiting my first amendment rights. However, others saw it as "Sassy." According to the definition above, I would personally align my attitude to the second statement; lively and spirited. But over time, everything that I said and every move that I made became "Sassy"....impudent, insulting. At the time, because of the origin of the nickname, I waved off the possible insult and embraced the moniker. It is not until recently that I have become bothered by the title.

Nicknames are a common habit. By creating a nickname, you can feel creative or special; by spreading a nickname you can feel a part of something. All of that is fine and dandy; Sassy wasn't my first title and it certainly won't be my last. However, there is a thin line between name and label. I recently attended the 2010 Graduation at my Alma Mater and a conversation with one of my good friends resurfaced the spread of "Sassy."

"I hate the word Sassy! I never want to hear it again!"

Supposedly, the term sassy was being used to describe the African American females and their so called attitudes. Now, I don't know if everyone has missed the memo, but WE ARE NOT MONOLITHIC!! While I believe that we all represent our race, we are also individuals. One experience that is had with a black female or a group of black females is not an accurate predictor of future encounters. I was appalled and suddenly disgusted that "Sassy" became the new insult...with a smile.

One common stereotype for black females who speak their mind is the "Angry Black Woman" and in a predominantly white learning institution, you can add "The Token" in front of that stereotype. I recall numerous conversations with fellow black females about confrontations and classified "ABW" moments. But why couldn't we just be speaking our minds? Why did all of our reactions have to fit a label of some sort? It amazes me how someone so strong can be depreciated due to the fear of others, while the timid "in her place" woman continues to find her voice.

an·ger -noun
1. a strong feeling of displeasure or hostility and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.
an·gry adj. -gri·er, -gri·est.
1. feeling or showing anger or strong resentment (usually fol by at, with, or about): to be angry at the dean; to be angry about the snub.
2. expressing, caused by, or characterized by anger; wrathful: angry words.
-Synonyms: irate, incensed, enraged, infuriated, furious, mad; provoked, irritated.

<sup>So the question is, would I rather be Sassy or Angry?

Well right now, I'm angry. While my anger may make me sassy to some extent, I'll live with that. Reflecting on my labeled sassy days, I realize that I was blindly playing a game. I was entertaining all of the people who wanted to understand- be in control- label the unknown, by embracing the moniker. I empowered them by belittling myself and letting them call me the Angry Black Woman, with a twist. By calling me sassy, I was the happy, angry black woman...as opposed to the so-called obscene individual who they shouldn't like, shouldn't want to be around. Call it what it is. While everyone who ranted the word was not ill-intentioned, we all fell victim to the labeling power struggle of those who were.

Ironically, there is another definition for sassy:</sup>

sas·sy n. pl. sas·sies

A western African tree (Erythrophleum suaveolens) of the pea family, having bark that yields a poison and wood that is used for construction. Also called sasswood, sassy bark.

<sup>Now, yes, this definition can be equally insulting, but I find it kind of clever that this all ends up connecting back to Africa (...especially because the nickname and now epidemic originated in South Africa.) The bark of the sasswood tree -though poisonous- is removable, making the actual wood of the tree useful. Metaphorically, we could use this tree as a message to look beyond the sassy or poisonous shell that is visible or you may miss out on something strong and useful,full of personality.

At the end of the day I just want to be me, as cliche as that sounds. While I'm still working on who exactly "me" is, if that means being sassy, angry, expressive, caring...all of those...whatever, then that's who I'm going to be. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in labels, that rather that creating our own way of being, we simply fit the mold permitting others to shape us as they choose.

...but what do I know?

Until next time, here are a few words to resonate with the sass within:</sup>

• "If you don't run your own life, somebody else will."

~ John Atkinson

• "Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly."

~ St. Francis De Sales

• "You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be."

  ~ Lou Holtz