What I learned in College

This post is long overdue, but I am just accepting that I graduated and will not be returning to LFC this week like many of my friends. Better late than never..right?

1) Life's not fair.
Yes, this is a lesson that we are taught at a young age, but throughout my time in college, I have been exposed to so many inequalities. Rather than try to save the day and understand everything, I had to simply accept that life's not fair. Acknowledging this fact also empowered me to change and effect the things that I do have the power to change.

2) Always do things for yourself.
You can't please everybody and sometimes people just don't care. But if you continue to be your own motivation and trust that you are making positive decisions, in the end you will always come out on top.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." -Eleanor Roosevelt

3) Care for others.
This one also fulfils lesson #2. When you help others, you help yourself. Also, we wouldn't be where we are if it were not for the help of many others, so why not do the same for someone else?

4)Sometimes you just need to listen.
I'm typically someone who like to listen, but then try to fix the situation (especially if it involves a friend). However, I learned that sometimes that friend just needs someone to hear the problem at hand.
Also, I tend to be the bearer of sassy comments and backtalk... also learned that there is a time and place...even if I'm right. Just listen, and let it be.

5)Know who you are. Don't apologize for being you.
This is incredibly important so that when someone else tries to tell you who you are, you are already assured in yourself of the qualities and character that you possess.

6) Fix it or shut up...
I hate complaining!! Worse than that, I hate complainers who seem to find pleasure in complaining! I don't want to hear it! *woo sah* ...I know that we all complain: about finals, professors, food in the caf, reslife, etc. Take your 5 mins of complaining and leave the rest to the universe unless you're going to do something about it. *end rant*

7) Observation to Obligation
M.K. Asante introduced the mantra observation to obligation during my senior year. If you make an observation, it becomes your obligation to do something about it. If you don't, who will? We cannot simply rely on someone else feeling so compelled to be the change that we want to see.

8) Everyone doesn't always have your best interest in mind.
Everyone isn't a nice person, and everyone doesn't always care. It's a cold world.

9) It's okay to afraid or unsure...
...still working on this one. But, I do believe that this is where a lot of my procrastination stems from.

10) Pick your battles
Sorry to say, everything is not worth fighting for... not all the time, and not at the same time.

11) Take advantage of everyday
For my last year, it was my goal to enjoy everything so that I didn't get to the last 2 weeks and try to hang out with everybody and do everything during finals. I feel like I accomplished this goal and was able to leave college with a content mindset (regardless of the realm of uncertainty that lies ahead).

12) Live without regrets
Regardless of the consequences or unforeseen nature of the decisions we make, we cannot regret them happening. What we did or what happened was exactly what we wanted at that time. This pertains to friendships, classes taken, procrastinating, nights out, things said, etc.

13) The reason people don't change is because we don't let them.
In our eyes, once someone messes up, they can almost never do anything right. We continue to expect them to fail unless they are otherwise scheming. When really, they have already moved on and are making strides towards being an even better person. Let the past be the past and look for the good in the situation. If that means living with no expectations from that person/those people, do that, take everything for face value, and keep living your life.

14) "Dear friends, buy used books for class. not because they are cheaper, but because they come with highlights, underlines and if you're lucky, notes, making last minute paper writing more than manageable." -Niharika Jain

15) Everything happens for a reason.
I am a true believer that I was meant to be at Lake Forest College, to be the leader that I've been, and to meet the people who I've met. Even when things seemed catastrophic, it was meant to be so that I could be the person who I am today.

"I'm not African American..."

I was reading an article on the website colorlines.com when I came across the following comment in response:

"PS I'm black- not African American, just an American who has darker skin."

....
........

I really don't have too many words in response to this, but I just wish that I could sit face to face with this individual to really evaluate how truly ridiculous they are and inquire if they know the depths of their stupidity.

...Ok, I won't say stupidity. I won't devalue any one's feelings. But, come on!

"American who has darker skin?" Where does this person believe the darker skin came from?

AFRICA! That's where!!!

I'm so tired of hearing people reject their ancestral roots in Africa. By disowning Africa, African Americans everywhere are boldly stating that slavery didn't happen. Why yes, our ancestors anxiously awaited to board the lovely cruise ships of the 1400s in search of a new world and a new life where they could rid themselves of all culture and traditions only to leave their descendants even more lost, confused, and withdrawn. That's exactly what happened.

And when that was happening purple cows were flying in Antarctica.

Ok, I'm going to chill with some of the sarcasm.

But seriously, in America we do not talk about, deal with,  or accept responsibility for slavery; only one example of genocide that occurred on American soil. Because we have not dealt with our disturbing past, a whole population of people is left making comments and embracing mentalities that detach them from the little bit of culture that African Americans can identify with. Yes, it's the whole continent (because Africa isn't a country), but it's as close as many of us will ever get to knowing where our people, our ancestors, our families come from.

It's just really sad that many choose to neglect the past. I don't understand why so many African Americans even choose to whole heartedly embrace a country (U.S.) that doesn't accept or support the little culture and presence that we have created for ourselves this side of the Atlantic Ocean. I believe that we can only claim to be American by place of birth, but this place that we call home, that we blindly cling to as our full identity, treats us like the ugly ducklings. Yes there are benefits to being American and there have been many examples of cultural acceptance. Yet, even in the age of a Black/ African American/bi-racial President, the way that the media portrays African Americans tends to be less than desirable.

As for me, I'm African American. I will never denounce the struggle of my ancestors and the glorious pride of the queens and kings unwillingly dethroned  to build this country without any gratitude or even an apology. When America won't accept me, my skin says that the golden sun of Africa will.

...but what do I know?

Find this and other culturally focused posts at the http://www.lakeforest.edu/live/news/1773-welcome-to-the-intercultural-life-blog

God > Religion

During my college years, one thing that I've learned is that it is not about what religion you claim, but about your personal relationship with God. One of my facebook friends posted this video of  a spoken word piece explaining this perspective very well. Enjoy!

Reed Between the Lines

For those who don't know, Reed Between the Lines is a new show featured on BET. It's first season just ended and many critics (professional and otherwise) have compared its subject matter and set up to that of The Cosby Show. I have heard some of my peers describe the show as boring, slow, corny, and over the top. I personally enjoy this show and appreciate the positive image of a Black family in America being portrayed, especially on BET (otherwise expressed as Black Exploitation Television).

Reed Between the Lines is not BET's typical show...there is no profanity, no nudity, and a 2 parent home featuring highly educated and professional parents encouraging education and morals in their children in every episode.

For a generation desensitized to murder, sex, death, profanity...and more, I can understand why young people may not enjoy this show. My answer to this: this show isn't meant for you. The way that I have interpreted the introduction of this series is BET's attempt to redeem itself and attract an older audience. Yes, 106 and Park, The Game, and numerous awards shows work for the younger crowd, but for a network that used to appeal to a more diverse audience, I believe that they are working to regain that image. Reed Between the Lines not only attracts the generation that was raised on The Cosby Show, but the positive, "traditional" Black family image that is lacking in today's media scene. We've seen the single parent image, we've seen the no parent image, we've seen drugs, jail, and teen pregnancy; this show sheds a light on a neglected demographic that may be accepted but isn't often portrayed.

If you feel like you don't see yourself or your definition of Black America in Reed Between the Lines, my answer is: you aren't supposed to. One problem that I've observed in every culture's search of identity/ acceptance in America is its need to be portrayed "correctly" to the rest of the world that doesn't understand the truth that they personally experience as a member of the specific culture. My response: how do you show a recovering drug addict's reality, a middle class family's reality, a privileged business owner's reality, and a pregnant teenager's reality at the same time? You don't. IT'S NOT POSSIBLE... every time someone tries, it seems to turn out as a mixed up messed up Tyler Perry movie. [Disclaimer: I enjoy a majority of Tyler Perry's movies and believe he is good at what he does... but sometimes, he does too much by trying to involve everybody... a conversation for a different day.]

As the cliché  saying goes, you can't please everyone. What we need to do is stop feeling entitled to representation in everything (equal representation is necessary, not superior or exclusive representation) and work on really perceiving the reality of the world around us. The sooner we accept that our personal familiarities are not the only or the only credible experiences, the sooner we'll be able to validate the experiences of others and be supportive while creating the positive/appropriate image of our cultures that we all strive to present.

...but what do I know?

An Athiest Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his class on the problem science has with God. He asked on of his new Chrisitan students to stand.

I borrowed this from my friend. You can find her blog at http://itsarianasworld.tumblr.com/

Professor: You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?

Student: Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Professor: Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Professor: My brother died of cancer, even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is God good, then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student: Yes.

Professor: Is Satan good?

Student: No.

Professor: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From.. God.

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Professor: So who created evil?

(Student didn’t answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immortality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son.. have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your God.

Student: No, sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God, for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Professor: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, Science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my Faith.

Professor: Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as Cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student: No, sir, there isn’t.

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of Heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was a pin-drop silence in the Lecture Theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light… But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called Darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, You would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? .. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable and Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son.

Student: That is it, sir.. exactly! The link between man and God is Faith. That is all that keeps things alive and moving!

Brilliant.

Book Review/Experience: Black Ice

The next book on my review list is Black Ice by Lorene Cary.

This book is a biography about the author's experience as a Black female (one of the many firsts of both demographics) at The St. Paul's School (a boarding school) in the 70's. I originally purchased this book last summer after my dad told me about it and suggested that I read it. Part of me wanted to read the book, the other part of me was afraid to read it. Understanding that the book was written way before my birth, let alone my own boarding school experience at The Taft School, I was still afraid of rehashing many of the feelings and events that I experienced for myself.  This summer, I decided to deal with it and dig right into the book. Upon completion, I do not regret reading this book. It was well written with very elaborate details. However, I was correct in my anxiety about reliving my high school adventures, feelings, thoughts, and future reassessments and inquiries.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my boarding school experience and although I still say that my parents shipped me off to Connecticut, I would not trade that experience for the world. I am truly blessed to have had such an opportunity and am reminded of such blessings through the people I have met, relationships maintained, and knowledge acquired. I was challenged to live life through various lenses, to think critically, and never to accept things just as they are.

Back to the book.

One thing that I appreciated about Cary's writing is that while she presented her memories and experiences, she also admitted that many of her memories had melded together. Although she knew that various events happened sometimes months apart, her mind reconstructed the happenings as if they belonged together. (Psych moment: All memories are reconstructed and will never be 100% accurate, regardless of our confidence in our own memories. The mind is a tricky thing.) Overall, I can appreciate her honesty and the explanations that she shared to prove her sincere confusion.

Something else that perplexed me about this story was it's familiarity. This women had her experience approximately 34 years before I became a boarding school student, yet as I read her recollections I became reminiscent myself. I shared this with my dad, who also attended Taft, and he shared in my bewilderment. He then shared the explanation that boarding school education is progressive, but the traditions remain consistent. I could not disagree and began to gain more appreciation for my alma mater as I finished reading the book.

Part of me wishes that I read this book upon my acceptance into Taft. It offered great insight into the experiences and confusions of being a Black female in a  predominantly White and male dominated institution.

After graduating high school, I have entertained the thought of returning to Taft to teach. Besides the fact that I have no interest in teaching high school students, something inside of me longs to be a part of that environment again, if not for me, then to help other Black students who are constantly working to decode boarding school and what it is supposed to be for them. But then I don't know; maybe that is a part of the trick...you aren't really supposed to understand it until you have have experienced it and spent time replaying the bulk of interactions, lessons, and for the lack of a better word, experiences that were had. That is somewhat of the lesson that Cary shares. Upon her return to St. Paul's as a trustee (and teacher), she shares with current Black students that she loves and appreciates the school, but relieves them by sharing that she did not have the same feelings while she was a student there. In a sense, this gives students hope. Hope that while the road is rough, in the end, you will make it, be successful, and appreciate the struggle for what it was and what it contributed to your success. I personally can thank Taft for my current collegiate selection...if not for being shipped off, I would have probably attended an in-state college, which, though still substantial, involves no risks and would keep the world rather small in my perspective. Many doors have been opened for me and I think that I can thank Taft for that. It is not to say that public schools do not offer great opportunities for students, but for me, boarding school was what I needed to gain a global perspective and to expand my horizons. And for that, Taft, I am eternally grateful.

The boarding school experience appears to be a never ending cycle of confusion for those who enter that world as an outsider. Transitioning into an insider can be frightening, but never becoming an insider, not even a little bit, can be even more terrifying and time wasting. Cary shares tidbits about peers who worked to keep the persona of their home life while attending St. Paul's School...I can also recollect peers who struggled with the same personality complex. To some degree I wonder, what is the point? What is the point of joining this elite world if your mentality will remain less than? It seems that nothing would be lost or gained at the end of the boarding school experience (if said students last through the expected time) and that is a problem. We are placed into various environments and trials to learn more about the world as well as ourselves. If we stick with the familiar, our limits will never be challenged and when it is time to compete in the world, even with our peers, we will struggle. That's because while we were focused on who we appeared to be, they were discovering who they really were. Of course this is not always the case, but there are always a few who refuse to go along with the ebb and flow of change.

The problem that I perceive is that there are not enough people or examples encouraging students to combine who they are with who they are becoming. Boarding schools would be nothing without the eclectic students that they attract. This environment is not to force students to conform to one standard, but to bring who they are to enhance what the school is and has to offer.

In the end, I highly recommend this book for anyone who has been to boarding school, contemplate attending, or who is just interested in learning a little more about the culture of this system. I thank Cary for sharing her experience and for the numerous readers who have been encouraged, educated, and/or nurtured by her story.

...but what do I know?

Summer Reading List + book series review

I wanted to make a post specifically about the last book that I read, but since it wasn't the first one and I have things to say about the others, I figured I would do a little back track... for some reason I like to do things in the order that they happened. *shoulder shrug*

So, my list of books that I've read thus far are:

1. Nappily Ever After by Trisha R. Thomas
2. Black Ice by Lorene Cary
3. Would I Lie to You? by Trisha R. Thomas
4. Chin Up Girl!!!!! by Joseph Dillard (My daddy!!)

The next books on my list to read (hopefully by the end of the summer) are:

1. The Help by Kathryn Stockett
2. Nappily Married by Trisha R. Thomas

______________________________________________
The first books that I would like to review are Nappily Ever After and the sequel Would I Lie to You? by Trisha R. Thomas.

I decided to start reading the series by Trisha R. Thomas after reading almost the complete series of books by Pearl Cleage (author of What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day... [I highly recommend this author]). After enjoying Cleage's work, I found Thomas' books recommended on Amazon and by the mother of one of my friends. Of course, I was also attracted to these books due to the integration of the natural hair discussion. I would soon learn that this was not the primary focus of Thomas' stories. However, after reading the sequel, I learned that natural hair and accepting it or using it as a coping mechanism for other issues was still the backbone of the main character's struggles.

As I mentioned before, I plan on reading the next book in the series, Nappily Married, but the problem is that after reading the first two books, I feel like I have read all about the main character and know all that I need to know...it seems complete. This makes me nervous because this feeling has the potential of creating a drawn out experience as I read on, especially because the next book's bio mentions characters that I have already read about; nothing too new. However, there are quite a few more books in the series, so it must not be too bad. As of now, I trust Thomas' writing and look forward to reading future works by her and completing the Nappily... series, but not quite yet.

Stay tuned for more reviews!