Book Review/Experience: Black Ice

The next book on my review list is Black Ice by Lorene Cary.

This book is a biography about the author's experience as a Black female (one of the many firsts of both demographics) at The St. Paul's School (a boarding school) in the 70's. I originally purchased this book last summer after my dad told me about it and suggested that I read it. Part of me wanted to read the book, the other part of me was afraid to read it. Understanding that the book was written way before my birth, let alone my own boarding school experience at The Taft School, I was still afraid of rehashing many of the feelings and events that I experienced for myself.  This summer, I decided to deal with it and dig right into the book. Upon completion, I do not regret reading this book. It was well written with very elaborate details. However, I was correct in my anxiety about reliving my high school adventures, feelings, thoughts, and future reassessments and inquiries.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my boarding school experience and although I still say that my parents shipped me off to Connecticut, I would not trade that experience for the world. I am truly blessed to have had such an opportunity and am reminded of such blessings through the people I have met, relationships maintained, and knowledge acquired. I was challenged to live life through various lenses, to think critically, and never to accept things just as they are.

Back to the book.

One thing that I appreciated about Cary's writing is that while she presented her memories and experiences, she also admitted that many of her memories had melded together. Although she knew that various events happened sometimes months apart, her mind reconstructed the happenings as if they belonged together. (Psych moment: All memories are reconstructed and will never be 100% accurate, regardless of our confidence in our own memories. The mind is a tricky thing.) Overall, I can appreciate her honesty and the explanations that she shared to prove her sincere confusion.

Something else that perplexed me about this story was it's familiarity. This women had her experience approximately 34 years before I became a boarding school student, yet as I read her recollections I became reminiscent myself. I shared this with my dad, who also attended Taft, and he shared in my bewilderment. He then shared the explanation that boarding school education is progressive, but the traditions remain consistent. I could not disagree and began to gain more appreciation for my alma mater as I finished reading the book.

Part of me wishes that I read this book upon my acceptance into Taft. It offered great insight into the experiences and confusions of being a Black female in a  predominantly White and male dominated institution.

After graduating high school, I have entertained the thought of returning to Taft to teach. Besides the fact that I have no interest in teaching high school students, something inside of me longs to be a part of that environment again, if not for me, then to help other Black students who are constantly working to decode boarding school and what it is supposed to be for them. But then I don't know; maybe that is a part of the trick...you aren't really supposed to understand it until you have have experienced it and spent time replaying the bulk of interactions, lessons, and for the lack of a better word, experiences that were had. That is somewhat of the lesson that Cary shares. Upon her return to St. Paul's as a trustee (and teacher), she shares with current Black students that she loves and appreciates the school, but relieves them by sharing that she did not have the same feelings while she was a student there. In a sense, this gives students hope. Hope that while the road is rough, in the end, you will make it, be successful, and appreciate the struggle for what it was and what it contributed to your success. I personally can thank Taft for my current collegiate selection...if not for being shipped off, I would have probably attended an in-state college, which, though still substantial, involves no risks and would keep the world rather small in my perspective. Many doors have been opened for me and I think that I can thank Taft for that. It is not to say that public schools do not offer great opportunities for students, but for me, boarding school was what I needed to gain a global perspective and to expand my horizons. And for that, Taft, I am eternally grateful.

The boarding school experience appears to be a never ending cycle of confusion for those who enter that world as an outsider. Transitioning into an insider can be frightening, but never becoming an insider, not even a little bit, can be even more terrifying and time wasting. Cary shares tidbits about peers who worked to keep the persona of their home life while attending St. Paul's School...I can also recollect peers who struggled with the same personality complex. To some degree I wonder, what is the point? What is the point of joining this elite world if your mentality will remain less than? It seems that nothing would be lost or gained at the end of the boarding school experience (if said students last through the expected time) and that is a problem. We are placed into various environments and trials to learn more about the world as well as ourselves. If we stick with the familiar, our limits will never be challenged and when it is time to compete in the world, even with our peers, we will struggle. That's because while we were focused on who we appeared to be, they were discovering who they really were. Of course this is not always the case, but there are always a few who refuse to go along with the ebb and flow of change.

The problem that I perceive is that there are not enough people or examples encouraging students to combine who they are with who they are becoming. Boarding schools would be nothing without the eclectic students that they attract. This environment is not to force students to conform to one standard, but to bring who they are to enhance what the school is and has to offer.

In the end, I highly recommend this book for anyone who has been to boarding school, contemplate attending, or who is just interested in learning a little more about the culture of this system. I thank Cary for sharing her experience and for the numerous readers who have been encouraged, educated, and/or nurtured by her story.

...but what do I know?