Flashbulb Memories

I will always remember this moment.
The moment when I got the news.
There are many thrilling and disappointing moments, flashbulb memories, that will forever be engraved in my mind.
I may remember where I was, what I was wearing, what I was doing when I got the news- whether I want to remember or not.

The memories are too much to list, but one type of memory that becoming a little too frequent for my comfort is learning that a loved one has passed.

Death.

I understand that it is a pivotal part in living, but more so to me, right now it is a sign that I am growing up. Gone are the days of innocence and simply not knowing. Now even the loss of a distant family member leaves a hole, a blemish, a question.

What's next?
Who's next?

I know that this is no way to live life, wondering who is the next to die, but it is a difficult question not to ask. After grandparents, the next to go are usually parents.

I just learned that my grandfather passed away in his sleep. It wasn't a surprise because he has been sick and my Mom was given a timeline by his doctor. However, when she received that initial news, she told me that it is an interesting thing to start planning to lose a parent.

How does one plan for the inevitable?

This is the second grandparent that has died in my lifetime; the first was when I was about 6 and is a very faint memory. With 3 more grandparents to go, it is a reality that I will have a fairly active role in their end. I cannot merely meander during the funeral like I did as a child. I will have real memories. I will feel real loss.

And then what?
What is next?
Who is next?

Is that what growing up is? A waiting game for the next heartbreak, lost friendship, lost family member? I don't know how much I can take.

And then I remember. I cannot live that way. I cannot wait around. I cannot simply stop making memories due to a dramatized fear of loss. The beauty of death can only be seen when life is lived completely.

I must continue to love; continue to live. I am not saying to neglect the reality that everyone around me has an unknown time stamp... including myself. But when someone is gone, they are gone.

That's it.
The show's over.
And life will go on.

I guess my biggest issue with death right now is that I don't know how to respond.
I used to believe that when we cry over the dead it is more of a selfish act. They can't hear or see us, so our tears are turning their loss of life into a loss in our life. We're upset because we lost something, not because they can't live anymore. While I still believe that this concept carries a bit of truth, it shows how naive I was. When we lose a loved one, we really do lose a part of ourselves. However, if they were really as loved as we say they were, we will be able to cherish them in their absence. It will take some time and effort to readjust to life, but just as the seasons come and go, life must also go one.

This growing up thing sucks. This is exactly the reason why there is no rule book for life. I get it now. We wouldn't be able to handle all of this truth if we read it under a tree in our late teens or early 20s. We would come up with every reason to discredit the author until it became our reality and and we realized the harsh truths that we read about were real; everything about life and its never ending ever so consistent cycle.

I know that tomorrow is a new day and with death comes new life, but right now- this sucks. (That, I know.)

Au Revoir, 2012!!

Yes, it's an expected and somewhat cliche post about my last year and looking ahead to the new year.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way...

2012 was quite the year for me. Of course there was good and bad, but I wouldn't change a thing! I have watched myself grow in so many ways and learn so many things. It is an amazing ability to be able to be reflective and hold on to those observations to continue to greatness.

Here are few highlights from my year:

• Graduating from Lake Forest College
• Overall this is one of my greatest accomplishments! There are many people who came before me who were refused a basic, let alone, secondary education. I am proud to say that I have earned two bachelor degrees and look forward to the next level of education that my future has is store. Being a student at LFC offered so many great experiences, people, and accomplishments. Though there were some things that I disagreed with, I will be forever grateful for the institution and what it contributed to my life, growth, and development.
• My love for teaching
• I thought that I wanted to be a teacher, but now that I have spent a semester in a class actually teaching I have discovered my love for teaching. I love being in a position of knowledge, feeding eager (and not so eager) learners. I love being in a position to watch my students succeed and fail and learn from their mistakes. I could not have truly known how much I love teaching without the experience that I had in CPS this fall and though there are still so many different areas in education that I would like to play a role, I can actually say that I wouldn't mind being in my own classroom for a few years. I'm shocked.
• Friends- the family I chose... and who chose me
• With all of the goodbyes that I have had to say in the last year, I have learned a lot about the company I keep. Senior year offered a lot of new connections and the growth of seasoned relationships. I grew to appreciate my circles of friends on a whole new level and say goodbye to some relationships that have run their course. It happens. After leaving the structured environment of a college campus where everyone you need is less than 10 mins away, I was not sure what to expect of my many relationships. However, I was kind of surprised by how often I saw many of my friends. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised because we make time for the things/people who are the most important.
• I'm going to have a sister...kind of.
• My brother got engaged!! I know this is more of a highlight for him, but I am so happy for him and his fiancee!!! I look forward to sharing in their celebration in 2013 and welcoming Samantha into our family!
• FAITH
•   My faith is growing stronger and stronger every day. I am so blessed by God and awestruck by all of the ways that He is working in my life. When I think of the goodness of Jesus and all that he's done for me!! There is no way that I would be ending 2012 with so much peace and comfort had it not been for the Lord on my side. I am working on walking by faith- it's a lot less stressful that way- and letting God have his way. I cannot wait to see what He has in store for me in 2013.

Taking the good and the bad, the highs and the lows into consideration, 2012 was a great year and I look forward to what 2013 has to offer. Here's to living a life with no regrets and lots of love!

What I learned in College

This post is long overdue, but I am just accepting that I graduated and will not be returning to LFC this week like many of my friends. Better late than never..right?

1) Life's not fair.
Yes, this is a lesson that we are taught at a young age, but throughout my time in college, I have been exposed to so many inequalities. Rather than try to save the day and understand everything, I had to simply accept that life's not fair. Acknowledging this fact also empowered me to change and effect the things that I do have the power to change.

2) Always do things for yourself.
You can't please everybody and sometimes people just don't care. But if you continue to be your own motivation and trust that you are making positive decisions, in the end you will always come out on top.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." -Eleanor Roosevelt

3) Care for others.
This one also fulfils lesson #2. When you help others, you help yourself. Also, we wouldn't be where we are if it were not for the help of many others, so why not do the same for someone else?

4)Sometimes you just need to listen.
I'm typically someone who like to listen, but then try to fix the situation (especially if it involves a friend). However, I learned that sometimes that friend just needs someone to hear the problem at hand.
Also, I tend to be the bearer of sassy comments and backtalk... also learned that there is a time and place...even if I'm right. Just listen, and let it be.

5)Know who you are. Don't apologize for being you.
This is incredibly important so that when someone else tries to tell you who you are, you are already assured in yourself of the qualities and character that you possess.

6) Fix it or shut up...
I hate complaining!! Worse than that, I hate complainers who seem to find pleasure in complaining! I don't want to hear it! *woo sah* ...I know that we all complain: about finals, professors, food in the caf, reslife, etc. Take your 5 mins of complaining and leave the rest to the universe unless you're going to do something about it. *end rant*

7) Observation to Obligation
M.K. Asante introduced the mantra observation to obligation during my senior year. If you make an observation, it becomes your obligation to do something about it. If you don't, who will? We cannot simply rely on someone else feeling so compelled to be the change that we want to see.

8) Everyone doesn't always have your best interest in mind.
Everyone isn't a nice person, and everyone doesn't always care. It's a cold world.

9) It's okay to afraid or unsure...
...still working on this one. But, I do believe that this is where a lot of my procrastination stems from.

10) Pick your battles
Sorry to say, everything is not worth fighting for... not all the time, and not at the same time.

11) Take advantage of everyday
For my last year, it was my goal to enjoy everything so that I didn't get to the last 2 weeks and try to hang out with everybody and do everything during finals. I feel like I accomplished this goal and was able to leave college with a content mindset (regardless of the realm of uncertainty that lies ahead).

12) Live without regrets
Regardless of the consequences or unforeseen nature of the decisions we make, we cannot regret them happening. What we did or what happened was exactly what we wanted at that time. This pertains to friendships, classes taken, procrastinating, nights out, things said, etc.

13) The reason people don't change is because we don't let them.
In our eyes, once someone messes up, they can almost never do anything right. We continue to expect them to fail unless they are otherwise scheming. When really, they have already moved on and are making strides towards being an even better person. Let the past be the past and look for the good in the situation. If that means living with no expectations from that person/those people, do that, take everything for face value, and keep living your life.

14) "Dear friends, buy used books for class. not because they are cheaper, but because they come with highlights, underlines and if you're lucky, notes, making last minute paper writing more than manageable." -Niharika Jain

15) Everything happens for a reason.
I am a true believer that I was meant to be at Lake Forest College, to be the leader that I've been, and to meet the people who I've met. Even when things seemed catastrophic, it was meant to be so that I could be the person who I am today.

"I'm not African American..."

I was reading an article on the website colorlines.com when I came across the following comment in response:

"PS I'm black- not African American, just an American who has darker skin."

....
........

I really don't have too many words in response to this, but I just wish that I could sit face to face with this individual to really evaluate how truly ridiculous they are and inquire if they know the depths of their stupidity.

...Ok, I won't say stupidity. I won't devalue any one's feelings. But, come on!

"American who has darker skin?" Where does this person believe the darker skin came from?

AFRICA! That's where!!!

I'm so tired of hearing people reject their ancestral roots in Africa. By disowning Africa, African Americans everywhere are boldly stating that slavery didn't happen. Why yes, our ancestors anxiously awaited to board the lovely cruise ships of the 1400s in search of a new world and a new life where they could rid themselves of all culture and traditions only to leave their descendants even more lost, confused, and withdrawn. That's exactly what happened.

And when that was happening purple cows were flying in Antarctica.

Ok, I'm going to chill with some of the sarcasm.

But seriously, in America we do not talk about, deal with,  or accept responsibility for slavery; only one example of genocide that occurred on American soil. Because we have not dealt with our disturbing past, a whole population of people is left making comments and embracing mentalities that detach them from the little bit of culture that African Americans can identify with. Yes, it's the whole continent (because Africa isn't a country), but it's as close as many of us will ever get to knowing where our people, our ancestors, our families come from.

It's just really sad that many choose to neglect the past. I don't understand why so many African Americans even choose to whole heartedly embrace a country (U.S.) that doesn't accept or support the little culture and presence that we have created for ourselves this side of the Atlantic Ocean. I believe that we can only claim to be American by place of birth, but this place that we call home, that we blindly cling to as our full identity, treats us like the ugly ducklings. Yes there are benefits to being American and there have been many examples of cultural acceptance. Yet, even in the age of a Black/ African American/bi-racial President, the way that the media portrays African Americans tends to be less than desirable.

As for me, I'm African American. I will never denounce the struggle of my ancestors and the glorious pride of the queens and kings unwillingly dethroned  to build this country without any gratitude or even an apology. When America won't accept me, my skin says that the golden sun of Africa will.

...but what do I know?

Find this and other culturally focused posts at the http://www.lakeforest.edu/live/news/1773-welcome-to-the-intercultural-life-blog

God > Religion

During my college years, one thing that I've learned is that it is not about what religion you claim, but about your personal relationship with God. One of my facebook friends posted this video of  a spoken word piece explaining this perspective very well. Enjoy!

Reed Between the Lines

For those who don't know, Reed Between the Lines is a new show featured on BET. It's first season just ended and many critics (professional and otherwise) have compared its subject matter and set up to that of The Cosby Show. I have heard some of my peers describe the show as boring, slow, corny, and over the top. I personally enjoy this show and appreciate the positive image of a Black family in America being portrayed, especially on BET (otherwise expressed as Black Exploitation Television).

Reed Between the Lines is not BET's typical show...there is no profanity, no nudity, and a 2 parent home featuring highly educated and professional parents encouraging education and morals in their children in every episode.

For a generation desensitized to murder, sex, death, profanity...and more, I can understand why young people may not enjoy this show. My answer to this: this show isn't meant for you. The way that I have interpreted the introduction of this series is BET's attempt to redeem itself and attract an older audience. Yes, 106 and Park, The Game, and numerous awards shows work for the younger crowd, but for a network that used to appeal to a more diverse audience, I believe that they are working to regain that image. Reed Between the Lines not only attracts the generation that was raised on The Cosby Show, but the positive, "traditional" Black family image that is lacking in today's media scene. We've seen the single parent image, we've seen the no parent image, we've seen drugs, jail, and teen pregnancy; this show sheds a light on a neglected demographic that may be accepted but isn't often portrayed.

If you feel like you don't see yourself or your definition of Black America in Reed Between the Lines, my answer is: you aren't supposed to. One problem that I've observed in every culture's search of identity/ acceptance in America is its need to be portrayed "correctly" to the rest of the world that doesn't understand the truth that they personally experience as a member of the specific culture. My response: how do you show a recovering drug addict's reality, a middle class family's reality, a privileged business owner's reality, and a pregnant teenager's reality at the same time? You don't. IT'S NOT POSSIBLE... every time someone tries, it seems to turn out as a mixed up messed up Tyler Perry movie. [Disclaimer: I enjoy a majority of Tyler Perry's movies and believe he is good at what he does... but sometimes, he does too much by trying to involve everybody... a conversation for a different day.]

As the cliché  saying goes, you can't please everyone. What we need to do is stop feeling entitled to representation in everything (equal representation is necessary, not superior or exclusive representation) and work on really perceiving the reality of the world around us. The sooner we accept that our personal familiarities are not the only or the only credible experiences, the sooner we'll be able to validate the experiences of others and be supportive while creating the positive/appropriate image of our cultures that we all strive to present.

...but what do I know?

An Athiest Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his class on the problem science has with God. He asked on of his new Chrisitan students to stand.

I borrowed this from my friend. You can find her blog at http://itsarianasworld.tumblr.com/

Professor: You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?

Student: Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Professor: Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Professor: My brother died of cancer, even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is God good, then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student: Yes.

Professor: Is Satan good?

Student: No.

Professor: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From.. God.

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Professor: So who created evil?

(Student didn’t answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immortality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son.. have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your God.

Student: No, sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God, for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Professor: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, Science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my Faith.

Professor: Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as Cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student: No, sir, there isn’t.

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of Heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was a pin-drop silence in the Lecture Theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light… But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called Darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, You would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? .. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable and Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son.

Student: That is it, sir.. exactly! The link between man and God is Faith. That is all that keeps things alive and moving!

Brilliant.