42% ...Really?

Ok so I think that this is pathetic. Yes, everything that was said in this video is just about true, but one thing that I hate is that the first thing mentioned was "high standards." Since when were having any standards a crime? The fact that we as black women, regardless of society's opinions, and the countless years of being beaten and abused, continue to value ourselves and have the nerve to want better, expect better, is a true sign of strength and power to me.

I also despise the breakdown of our men. I'm not saying that an interracial relationship is settling, but when it is spoken about as the other option, I think that it is. I love how the break down was concise, but one stat was missing; how about all of the black males who are killed by the police or in innocent mishaps? It seems like every time that I turn around, another young black male is killed...while this is a horrible occurrence, this is not about them. This is about us...I digress.

So back to the ladies.

What are we to do? As a black female with intentions of being a professional who impacts the world, does this mean that my chances of marrying a black man are slim to none? I'm not hating on any other race...but at this stage in my life, I want my own. Anywho, what kind of setup is this for the younger generations? Unless there is an influx of black babies, our little sisters will be worse off than us...unless they aren't professionals, right?

Another standard black women hold is the value and high expectations that we hold for black men. (Yes, I know I brought it back to them, but I have to say this). I don't care what anyone says, no other race can value a black man like a black woman does. And to the same degree, no one can piss off a black woman as much as a black man... Don't get mad at a women because she's knows that you can do better for yourself and wants to encourage you to do so. By saying that you don't want or appreciate such encouragement, you are saying your standards are low or that you are satisfied with being mediocre. But in my eyes, just as powerful as a black woman is, so is a black man. As the most criticized and scrutinized demographic in this country, I certainly do applaud those black men who are successful by society's standards. And if they can do it, our other brothers can too...right?

Maybe I'm over analyzing this. 42% not married means that there are 58% who are. That's more than half and that's the percentage that I'm going to have to hold on to. First the schools fail us, and now marriage? I refuse to become a victim to these foolish statistics.

...but what do I know?

What are you afraid of?

I'm afraid of...

I started out making a list of my own fears, but when the list became too personal for the internet I decided keep that portion to myself and instead share with you all one of my favorite poems/quotations. ...so I guess that proves some of my fears to be judgment and insignificance. If you want to know some of my fears I can promise to be honest and share a few...just ask. This was a good personal exercise for me and I recommend you do it for yourself whether you intend to share it with someone or not.

...but what do I know?

So here it is, one of the greatest statements that I believe is applicable to everyone's life:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson

"It is better to have loved and lost...

...than to have never loved at all."

Is it really? I would consider this a lose/lose situation.

Case 1: You intensely love another human being. Life is great and nothing can separate the love you share for one another. I mean, you've got that cloud 9 love...a continuous high, singing in the shower, smiling in the mirror, sighing in the middle of the day, love. And then...it's gone. The love, the person...either way, the love is gone and you definitely lose.

Case 2: You live your life without love. Sure there is that family love and that sibling love, but you never experience that passionate love that one person can feel for another. Whether you are searching for it or not, that love just passes you by and you never truly know how it feels, what it means. You lose.

How can case 1 be any better than case 2? Ok, I know what you're thinking....at least you got to experience the love and share it with another, if only for the moment. Yeah....ok, I'll give you that, but would losing that love mean that love in a sense failed you? Some people lose love and can't bring themselves to love or be loved again...is that really a win? Otherwise, the experience of losing love would just be devastating or you would continue to love in paranoia, unsure of how much the love can be trusted. As far as not loving, how can you miss something you never endured? That's a loss in itself.

Maybe "to love and lose" is just the lesser of two evils. Personally, I would rather love and retain said love.

On the contrary, is it really possible to live without loving? But then again, what is love these days? Call me a cynic, but for now I am just loving me until that love is matured enough to share.

...but what do I know?